Archive for Adolescence

Lessons I’ve Learned – Part 1: Reflections of a Delinquent Child

Posted in Random Thoughts with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 23, 2012 by Tanya


  • Despite the varying faces I’ve made behind my parents back, it’s yet to ‘Freeze like that’.

 

  • Although I’ve yet to discover the exact location, I’m convinced that Mom definitely has ‘eyes in the back of her head.’

 

  • Contrary to all of Grandpa’s warnings, swallowing apple seeds never resulted in an apple tree spontaneously sprouting in my stomach, any more than whistling in front of Grandma’s passion plant…made it blush.

 

  • Although the ‘taste of soap in my mouth’ was never truly acquired, it did help to identify those brands that I would detest using as an adult.

 

  • Completing a chore in an exemplary fashion, may not only result in the privilege of going to a friends house, but also in assuming that task for the rest of your natural born life.

 

  • Feeding your siblings rabbit food under the guise of ‘Bran Cereal’ is never as humorous to your parents…as it was to you.

 

  • Although playing Evil Knievel and jumping over your siblings with your bicycle and a makeshift ramp may not result in immediate disaster, it could have detrimental effects on your ability to sit for awhile. (Particularly, when your little sister’s screams of “WE’RE ALL GONNA DIE”…causes your Mother to come running).

 

  • Cursing to either of your parents for emphasis is Never well received.  And that schoolyard joke you heard about the ‘Goddamn Ham’ and ‘passing the f***ing potatoes’ is an absolute ‘No Go’ at the dinner table (…or anywhere else on God’s Green Earth…for that matter).

 

  • There is no such thing as a ‘Free Pass.’ What they meant to call it was: ‘Say you’re sorry, accept your fate & bare your ass.’

 

  • Sometimes, the best way to trip up a liar is simply to feed her enough rope or in this instance…Candy.

 

My kid sister had been sneaking Mom’s Diet Aid Candies for weeks, a couple at a time and blaming everyone else for the deed. The candies looked and tasted like chocolate mints, but with laxative qualities.

 

During one occasion of babysitting, I noticed my sister was up to her old antics, but this time, I didn’t intervene. I watched her consume nearly an entire box of these little delacacies and bury the wrappers in all our     bedroom wastebaskets.

 

After Mom & Dad returned home, it didn’t take long to discover the recurrent crime. My sister, once again, was very helpful in pointing out the guilty parties. We, as usual, had little recourse except to accept the consequences.

 
However; there was no denying the Real culprit, when shortly before bedtime, my kid sister came flying down the stairs, tearing through the livingroom, past my parents, clutching her behind…and made a beeline for the bathroom.

 
Side note: Although in this instance, truth did prevail, bending over hysterically and falling to the floor in a fit of laughter….evidently…can still get you into a great deal of trouble.

 

 

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